Beware: Flipper ain't so friendly

So, I went to a dinner party tonight at a friends house and was seated beside some American guy I have never met before. I don't know if this was his way of flirting (if it is, he's gotta work on his game - maybe a little more charm, a little less creepiness) but he spent a good 20 minutes talking to me about dolphins. No "how are you liking Korea" or anything really related to his life at all. Just dolphins. Seriously, the dude knew way too much about them.

Anyway, he proceeded to shatter everything I previously believed to be true about dolphins. I thought these cute, bolttle-nosed mammals who always seem to be frolicing were harmless. Turns out, I don't know a damn thing about dolphins (though, why would I? Although, I do know way to much about primates. Thanks for that Zeller). First this guy tells me that bottle-nose dolphins actually sometimes rape spotted female dolphins for weeks at a time, just because their smaller. They've even been seen giving flipper-fives when their finished. Nasty.

Then he tells me that not only do dolphins like to gang up on each other, they've actually perpetrated purpoise holocausts - killing every purpoise they see in the area. Once again, ending with the little flipper fives and even some dancing afterwards.

I don't know why, but this conversation affected me more than it probably should have. When I got home, I googled dolphins and check out this article I found:

Swimmer Escapes Rape by Dolphin who seem to be swingers
OSLO, Aug 17, 1999 (AFP) - A dolphin tried to rape a 28-year-old Norwegian swimmer who had been gambolling with it off the south coast of Norway, the newspaper Verdens Gang reported Tuesday.The animal, which had been circling around the swimmer, suddenly stuck its penis between his leg and his bathing costume before the man managed to free himself and escape back aboard his nearby boat.
"At first I thought it was pushing me with its flipper but dolphins don't have flippers beneath their bellies," the unidentified swimmer explained.
Another swimmer who witnessed the scene from the boat told the newspaper he had to ward off similar advances from the dolphin a few minutes earlier.
"He tried his luck with me but I was protected by my waterproof suit," that swimmer said.

It goes on to talk about how dangerous dolphin ejaculations can be -the force of it can injure. Apparently, it can be the equivalent of a shotgun blast. Poor lady dolphins.

Okay,so I don't really know the quality of the source. I actually think dolphins are mostly friendly to humans. And should we really be so shocked at dolphins for being gentle to weird kids and happy to synchro-swim with babes in bikinis, yet acting creepy in other ways? David Hasselhoff has gotten away with this type of icky-sweet conduct for a long time, and if he had a pointy beak, isn’t it reasonable to assume he might wield it? And wouldn’t you be ready to dismember someone if you worked gratis in a tropical island pool and had to put on a happy face for forty fat tourists who’ve just had their hair braided with rasta beads and now wish to stick their fingers into your blowhole?

I have way to much time on my hands.